Saturday, March 9, 2013
The United States Department of Watches and Clocks (DWC) has announced that the 2% across-the-board cuts mandated by the sequester will also apply to Daylight Saving Time.
Thus, instead of the standard one hour "Spring Forward" tonight, US residents should only set their clocks ahead 58 minutes and 48 seconds.
At this morning's press conference, DWC spokesman Lazar Willard explained, "Most computers and cellphones update the time change automatically, and manufacturers did not anticipate anything like the sequester actually coming to pass. This means that all US residents will need to manually adjust the time on their digital devices."
When asked what would happen to the missing 72 seconds, Willard answered, "The missing time cannot go toward something like paying down leap year, obviously. That would just be silly. A committee led by DWC official Harry Bemis has been convened to evaluate our chronoptions."